my heart is broken

Oh Lord, help me trust you. Help me trust that you are taking care of orphans. That you love them, provide for them, and have a glorious plan for their lives. When things seem so overwhelmingly sad please help me see your sovereignty. Be near them tonight, warm them, soothe them, comfort them, give them hope. Help them know, no matter their situation, that your word in Jeremiah 29:11 is true for them - that you have a plan for hope and a future and that your word in James 1:26 is true - that you will provide people to care for them because that is acceptable in your sight. God, prepare my heart and my husband's heart and our families hearts for whatever you have in store for us regarding the care of orphans. Guide us. We love you. Amen

My heart is broken as I look at the waiting child list on the website for Rainbow Kids. It's one of so many adoption agencies/resources and there are 1953 children waiting on just this one site.

 I wasn't ready for what I would see even though I know the harsh reality of the world we live in. 

 Adoption has always been on my heart and mind and the same is true for my husband. We talked about it very early on in our relationship and it was one of the many things I loved about Matt very early in our journey. For those of you reading this please hear me that we are not yet at the stage where we are actively pursuing adoption. It is something we both desire to do and we trust that the Lord will guide us to that decision in the right time. The only reason I am writing today is by "chance" (but trust me, I know good and well it's not really by chance). 

 My friend Sarah sent me a link to a YouTube video of two little boys signing a conversation in their parents' car. At the end of the video a link to the mom's blog came up and of course I followed it to her website where I found an adorable family, the Browns! They are a mix of hearing, hard of hearing, and Deaf family members and her blog (from what I can tell) is a peek into their world. I've read a few posts and am already falling in love with them! 

 One page on her blog is dedicated to the adoption process. Of course, I clicked on this page and began reading. That then lead me to the Rainbow Kids website. I began looking around their website and that is when I realized how not-ready I was to see what I saw. Nearly 2,000 children waiting on families to want them. My heart was unprepared. I know their are millions of orphans out there, but for whatever reason it's never been more real to me than tonight. I guess part of the reasoning for that is that I am at a place in my life where this is a reality for us. We feel as though adoption is only natural and we are feeling the tug to start to prepare for that adventure. Who knows when that will actually happen, but so many things can go into preparing for adopting a child.

 Right now, the burden I feel is prayer. I need to devote some significant time to praying for Matt and I, for our future child - no matter how far in the future that may be, for our families, for direction, for finances, for our hearts, and so much more. Wow, what huge feeling of responsibility even at this VERY early stage.

 Anxious to see how the Lord will work in our lives in the coming days, weeks, months, and years in order to prepare us for what's to come regarding adoption. Can't wait to see how colorful our family will be!

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