loving well

I'm currently reading through a book called "What Did You Expect?" by Paul David Tripp, which is all about marriage - our expectations versus the realities of this beautiful thing God has given us. The book is kicking my butt (and I love it!). The Lord is working on me. The other aspect to reading this book that I'm absolutely loving is that each Wednesday night I get to join with a handful of other women who are each in different stages of life, but who are all seeking to seek the Lord in their marriages. We've come together each week to discuss what we've read and it has been most beneficial. These ladies are rockstars! I love listening to their opinions, their triumphs, their struggles, and the consistent theme of their heart wanting to love the Lord and love their husbands (or husbands to-be or even future husband currently unknown) well.

The book is broken up into several different commitments, which read as follows:

• We will give ourselves to a regular lifestyle of confession and forgiveness.
• We will make growth and change our daily agenda.
• We will work together to build a sturdy bond of trust.
• We will commit to building a relationship of love.
• We will deal with our differences with appreciation and grace.
• We will work to protect our marriage.

What prompted me to write this blog post about the book at this particular time and now earlier or even later when we finish the book is that this particular commitment is really causing some thought. This post is really more about me flushing out my own heart and thoughts, but maybe whoever chooses to read this will benefit from me doing it publicly. 

We're currently reading through the 4th commitment - we will commit to building a relationship of love - and will discuss it tonight. I'm anxious to hear the other ladies' take on these two chapters, but my own thoughts are enough to handle at the moment :) ha!

HEAR ME LOUD AND CLEAR: I. LOVE. MY. HUSBAND. There is no doubt in my mind that I love him. I could not be more crazy about the man whose name I got the privilege of taking and I don't doubt a bit that that love is reciprocated. These chapters have, however, allowed me to analyze if I'm loving him well. It has allowed me to really look at what love is and what love does. I knew these things in my head and even some of them have taken root in my heart already, but some I realize I am still working through. Some questions that come to mind are...

• Am I loving my husband with a self-love instead of a selfless love?
• Do I love him and serve him with the expectation of reciprocation?
• Do I consider him and how my decisions to commit to things outside our home will effect him and the love he feels from me?
• Do I love him in light of what was done for me on the cross using Christ as my utmost example?

I feel like the obvious answer to these questions is 'no' simply because I am a sinner. The other part of me wants to make myself feel better by saying that the answer could be 'sometimes'. I guess my hope though, as I read through this book and really look at myself as the wife of Matt Turley, is that I would be able to answer with a resounding 'I give every effort to do so'. 

I want these realizations to spur me on to love my husband better than I am now. I don't want these chapters to dishearten me. It is inevitable that I will fail at loving well every day because I'm a sinner. I don't know that if you asked Matt that he would say I'm not loving him well, but I think that I don't need to get complacent and allow myself to slip back into the oh-so-tempting self-love. 

It's exciting to see the Lord change my heart through His love for me and the different things He uses all the time to make me more like His son Jesus.

And just a note to those who may not have a husband to apply these principles to...practice! Love is not just for those in the marriage covenant. We are to love people well. These principles are useful in any relationship we have and if while you're single you are practicing these things with those in your life it will benefit your marriage when that day comes! I love seeing some of the ladies in our book study (and others I know) beginning these commitments now instead of waiting to figure it out when they say 'I do'.